Sensual Idiot

nyanyalea asked: What do you want the ~very most~?

I want to write. Does that sound cliche or pretentious? I don’t think it matters. I want to write. I’ve walked through hell to be able to do so, and I’d walk through it again. 

Anonymous asked: Do you ever get writer's block? If so, what do you use to cure it?

I don’t know. I think when I have what is called writer’s block I’m actually hungry, or scared, or afraid, or something in what I’m writing isn’t working correctly. I’ll drink some tea, lay down for a nap if I can, go for a walk and sit near the river. Sometimes I am not so graceful about it, and I will cry or tear my hair out or sit in the shower with my fists in my mouth. I will tell myself I’ll never write another word, but somehow I always do. 

A lot of writing is pushing past your own brain to get the words out. Most of my first drafts are done in a stream of consciousness style of writing. Sometimes I’ll close my eyes and pound on the keyboard until I move past the block. 

And sometimes your brain just doesn’t want to write another fucking battle scene, or another generic vampire scene. It’s important to find out your writing style, and not write to the genre. I’ve gotten past a lot of blocks when I started saying “fuck you” to horror and science fiction tropes and writing whatever I felt like. 

ratspuke asked: you're just so lovely and i love your blog.

Thank you lovely. This means so much. I wish I could be here more, I do. 

yay-consciousness asked: Do you ever wish you could live in that moment in a song when the music stops for a split second and their voice earnestly, desperately, rings out and grasps at something so hard that you feel it grasping at you? Do any songs come to mind for you?

Yes. Always yes. Have you heard of Stendhal syndrome, where visitors to Florence would experience extreme psychosomatic illness exposed to the beauty of the art there? I feel that. I burst into tears when I find music infused with a particular brand of emotion, as you say, that grasping. That reaching. Maybe I am just sensitive. I have wept at battery commercials. I have wept because I gained 3 pounds. 

The song that jumps out at me is Ruby Throat’s John 3.16. It’s 16 minutes long, drenched in heavy gothic folk with Katie Jane Garside’s ethereal and haunting disposition. In 16 minutes I can live and die in that song. I’ll post it shortly after this. I remember hearing an interview with Katie Jane Garside, where she said “Terror is such a familiar place, it’s almost more comfortable than anything else.”.. and I definitely feel that. There’s a beauty unparalleled in the uncomfortable.